One for My Little Jaybo

Here is how I see him
First – maybe three years old
Red shorts and a striped shirt
Big boy coming to knock on
My sleepover door, calling me to the car

Second – memories out of order
Just a little younger
Red swim trunks and yellow swim cap
Holding in earplugs protecting his tubes
Goggles complete his protective gear
With the giant yellow floats

I taught him how to ride his bike
The year before he turned 4
Loosening the training wheels
So we could kick them up
And ride without, defying maternal decree
No helmets then, no knee pads
1987?
I ran fast behind him in the culdesac
For just a few hot Florida afternoons
And then proudly behind him
Down the straightaway of Pinesong Drive
That is how I see him – strong, capable
And three years old

Fearless, tiny manchild
First of so many brothers
I remember how we fought to sit beside
His smiling baby self
Three would-be-mama sisters
Jealous of his grey eyed gaze

I cannot imagine how it is possible
That they let him fly airplanes now
Not paper ones, but the real thing
In far away countries
Where people have guns to shoot at him
I cannot imagine how it is possible
That he somehow became a man
Old enough to choose the right girl
To ask her to be his wife
(She will this year, smart beautiful girl)

I cannot imagine those things
Because he is always somehow like this
In my memory
Always soft brown hair
And chubby cheeks
And overalls

*recent photo copyright Erin Blinn Photography. Thou shalt not steal.

One for My Besties

Friendship is
Deep and complicated
Born out of long hours
Time on the ground

Creating a space safe
For vulnerability
For being ourselves
In these faces

I see hours of investment
Theirs and mine
Hours of listening and hearing
Hours of trying to understand

Some are more precious
Because of their constancy
Their loyalty
How they can be counted on

When a friend walks away
There is nothing
You can do to stop her
Because friendship has to be

Voluntary
And Honest
And Real
To be friendship at all

And these four?
They stick it out
They love me well
They make my life richer

And sweeter
And fuller
They remind me of the things
I’ve forgotten

They have lived the moments
Of my life with me
And shared their own as well
They make the time

They know my story
They help me remember
Who I want to be
And love me when I fail

They are my bosom friends
My besties
My support system
My shoulders to cry on

They are constant
And steady
In words and silence
Always there

One Thousand Gifts: 141-160

141. New bookcases full of books
142. Menu planning for visitors
143. Good beer in the right glass

144. Bringing brothers to a minor league game in the good seats

145. And the museum

146. And to the battleship, aquarium and beach
147. And the go-carts

148. And miniature golf, along with random stocks

149. Free tickets home and back – thanks to Meghan (we LUV SWA)

150. Challah!

151. Old pictures

152. Very generous friends with fabulous ideas for a night on the town

153. Crazy good food

154. Dessert in the middle of dinner

155. Followed by more seriously good food

156. And ridiculous real dessert (with ice cream we picked)

157. Sisters visiting

158. Long walks and laughter
159. Playing on the same team – even when we lose
160. Changing the sheets for the next round of company (Y-A-Y, Kara!)

One Thousand Gifts: 131-140

131. Kid playlists: Puff the Magic Dragon, Horton Hears a Who, You’ve Got a Friend in Me
132. Chocolate milk
133. Squirrels’ foiled attempts to reach the birdseed
134. Fresh, homemade strawberry ice cream
135. Family road trips
136. Clownfish in the aquarium
137. A husband who can tie down an oversized IKEA load
138. Farmer’s market – peaches and berries and corn and golden tomatoes
139. Help with building all the many many bookcases
140. Honey Apple Butter

One Thousand Gifts: 111-130

111. Family gametime

112. Perfect burgers on the new grill
113. Wedding pictures from Erin‘s website to look at over and over again
114. Boots on little boy feet
115. Remembering chords on the guitar

116. Baseball games on cooling spring evenings
117. Baseball players who give little boys baseballs

118. Airplane rides going home in both directions
119. Graduates in long rows

120. Proud big sisters

121. Weekend full of little brother hugs
122. Tex Mex all weekend long
123. Ten year old Jakey still willing to sit right beside me
124. My seat in church next to the big boys
125. Megan Smale in charge of cake

126. Parties full of old friends celebrating together
127. Exit rows with lots of legroom
128. Opening wedding presents

129. First tomatoes harvested

130. Anticipating a long welcome home hug

One for Benny on Graduation Day

I remember this picture first
Whenever I think about Baby Benny
Surrounded by Cheerios
In his little blue overalls

And I remember his big brown eyes
That so distressed him for a time
As one little brother after another arrived
With eyes as blue as Deborah’s

He grew up so very fast
(It feels so parental to say so)
But one day he was playing little league
And the next he was coaching Jakey’s baseball team
And now he is all grown up
Or at least he thinks he is
And he is very very funny
And very very smart

And I am looking forward to his future
As he figures out who he wants to be
As he makes grown-up choices with grown-up consequences
He is ready for the challenge

He graduates high school today
And he has skills he has not even begun to realize -
Skills that come from being one of thirteen
From being a Blinn

He is not just a good kid, he is a great one
And I am so proud of who he already is
Independent and ready to take on the world
But still my brown-eyed baby brother

One for Zeke and Zak on their 17th Birthday

Seventeen years ago today
I got in my little black Honda
And followed my parents Suburban
Speeding along toward Duncanville
Anticipating the arrival of these two

And then they were there
(I will spare them the details)
Both healthy and happy and whole
With twenty tiny fingers and twenty tiny toes
And I could hold both of them at the same time
And they grew so very fast
Smiling and sitting up
And making all sorts of noise
But they still fit, one on each hip
As their little personalities began to show

Zacky Lou, always into something
Impossible to deter, no matter the punishment
ZB, always eager for a snuggle
Stopped from mischief with the slightest frown
Both of them impossibly adorable

It is so easy to picture them like this
Zeke’s sweet ringlet curls
Zak’s expression always a little roguish
So different, but always together
And how they grew!

They are seventeen today, one year from being adults
Alike in some ways: both excellent musicians
Both with their own brand of Blinn humor
Both incredibly smart and good looking
Too big to hold on a hip anymore

But never too big to remind them
That I saw them born
And changed their diapers
That I held them in my arms
And that gives me the right
To big sister hugs, forever

One Thousand Gifts 91-110

91. A good round of interviews
92. Playdoh after dinner
93. Glass of red wine
94. Getting the cookbooks organized
95. Another bread recipe working (with some improv skills!)

96. Strawberry cake with real whipped cream
97. Charlotte’s Web (1972 Hanna Barbera version)
98. A husband who notices the resemblance between Charlotte’s Web drawings and Scooby Doo
99. Flowers on the zucchini and squash plants!
100. Professional Storytellers
101. Mead on tap
102. Toes dipped in the ocean
103. iBooks (so far The Wilder Life, The Lost Summer of Louisa May Alcott, Committed, Chicken and Egg, and Bossypants)
104. Flowers from my sweet husband

105. Watching my favorite old Disney movie together

106. Hand and Foot with the inlaws
107. and Cranium
108. All day barbeque and Strawberry Pie
109. Facetime with everyone at the parents on Memorial Day
110. Plane ticket to Chicago for Emily’s wedding

One for Erin on her Thirty-Second Birthday

She is the first person who made me a big sister
A role I accepted reluctantly at first
But one that defines me now
Perhaps more than any other
That was her first gift to me
Although neither of us knew it then

We were as different as sisters could be
Her blond hair and blue eyes
In contrast to my brown ones
Her tomboy self always running outside
Leaving me quietly in a corner with a book

And we did battle all through childhood
And into our awkward teenage years
Sharing friends without yet becoming friends
Foils for each others distinct identities:
That was another gift

And when we finally grew up
We found that we were not so different after all
Learning to value our family bonds
Enhancing them with intentional friendship
Sharing the load of big family responsibility

On her thirty-second birthday
I am struck by her beauty and her independence
By her intelligence and her insight
She encourages and inspires and loves so well
And I am so grateful for the gift she is

One Thousand Gifts: 71-90

71. Loyal, authentic friends
72. Baby green tomatoes
73. Planning the next trip home
74. Planning for visitors here
75. Menu planning together
76. Finding a nail salon that is reasonably priced, clean, neat and friendly
77. OPI: I’m Not Really a Waitress
78. Church text from Ben: some things never change
79. Oldies but goodies from the worship team
80. Manual Transmissions
81. Windows down driving: late spring warmth and wind
82. Mowed grass smell (even if it’s mostly weeds)
83. 20 minute catch-up call with Zeke
84. Sisterly pride in good planning and hard work
85. Virgil’s Rootbeer: very cold
86. Getting carded by beer, cashier announcing I have “drunk deep from the fountain of youth”
87. Cashier delighted at my name and pronouncing me adorable
88. Garth Brooks on the radio
89. Tiny new hummingbird on the window feeder
90. Successful turtle road rescue operation